To angel Matthew'sfamily.  / Yannick Fraser (Friend)
So very sorry for the loss of your beautiful baby boy. My daughter Jamee 'sbaby boy was also born sleeping.Her 1st child on 1- 22-07  www.patrickjayclark.memory-of.com/   May God comfort you in your sorrow.God bless Matthew & his family. Close

For Angel Matthew  / Amanda Woolley (Mums Friend )
Dear Angel Matthew,
We may never have met but sometimes it feels like we did. 
I know that your Mummy loves you very much. 
I know she has good days and bad days and I hope that she knows that you are always watching over her. 
Also I hope she knows she has lots of friends that would do anything humanly possible to help her whenever and with whatever she needs.
I hope you know you have two wonderful little sisters that also love you very much and I think it is wonderful that even though you can't be with them they talk about you and love you as if you were here with them. 
Matthew you are in everyones thoughts and hearts and we love you very much.
Lots of Love Aunty Amanda XOXO Close

For My Precious Darling Little Angel Matthew! I Love You So Much Matthew!  / Mummy
Matthew, the day I found out I was pregnant with you was the happiest day of my life.

I couldn’t wait until you were born.

It felt like I was holding my breath until I was 12 weeks pregnant with you, I was so scared I would miscarry you.

The day I was 12 weeks pregnant with you I wanted to throw a party, I knew I was not going to have another miscarriage and that you were safe and sound in my tummy. I just wanted to climb the highest mountain and yell out at the top of my voice “I am going to finally be a Mummy”

I’ll never forget the first time I felt you move inside of my tummy; it was the softest of little kicks. It felt like I had a butterfly flapping its wings inside my tummy.

I loved feeling you of you moving, kicking and doing what felt like somersaults in my tummy, knowing the whole time you were safe, happy & growing. Even when you use to keep me awake most of the night with your very energetic kicking. Some nights I was sure you were going to kick your way out of my tummy. How I long for those days, if only I could turn back the clock. If only I knew then what I know now, I would have told the doctor to stop mucking around and give me a C-Section because my baby is in foetal distress and I want him out alive. Well I guess I can’t do that but it is nice to think that I could.

I would dream of all the things I could teach you, all the things that I could do with you and all the special occasions we would have to spend together, I was really looking forward to your first Christmas, my first mother’s day and your first birthday. They are all the things I had longed to do, and all I could think of was that I was finally going to be able to do these things with and for you.

I had so many hopes and dreams for you; it breaks my heart to know that you are never going to get a chance to experience my love for you and all the special moments of life.

You were all my hopes and dreams all rolled up into the most beautiful little package.

The day I went into labour with you I was so excited and scared all rolled into one, I couldn’t wait to see and hold you, but I was scared I would not be a good enough mother to you.

When the doctor put you on my tummy I was so shocked all I could think was this is really real I am not dreaming this I am finally now a mummy. Then I realised you were silent, I asked what was wrong with you. I was told that they “we are going to give babe a hand” I thought they were just going to suck mucus stuff out of your nose and mouth and then you would cry. I didn’t even realise that you had already left me before you were born, no one had told me, they kept it from me.

I watched as they took you to a trolley and started crowding around you and I couldn’t see what they were doing to you and that’s when I asked “is he a boy” and then when no one answered I thought this isn’t right. Something is really wrong here. I felt a huge sense of panic rise in my stomach and throat. Then they moved out of the way a bit; I finally got to see what was going on and that totally freaked my out. All I could see was the doctors pressing on your tiny little chest giving you chest compressions and they had a face mask and bag on your mouth; they were squeezing air into your lungs.

I am so sorry that I didn’t keep you safe. I was meant to keep you safe in my womb. My womb was supposed to be a warm, safe and happy place, but instead it turned out to be a place off hurt, pain, sadness, fear and loss for you and for that I am so very SORRY Matthew. Matthew I will always blame and hate myself for not keeping you alive. A mother is supposed to protect her babies & I let you down. Some mother I was to you.

After what seemed like hours the doctor came over and sat down (I think). Then he said to me “he’s gone” all I could think was “where?” Then they handed you to me wrapped up in a blanket, you just looked like you were having a little sleep. But I knew you were never going to wake up. I cuddled you for half an hour before I dressed you. You were so perfect & beautiful in every single way. My precious long awaited & dreamed for little boy.

The next hour went like a blur, I didn’t want to believe it, it couldn’t be true. This doesn’t happen anymore! What did I do to make this happen? I was too scared to pick you up and cuddle you, I just sat on the bed and looked at you thinking I will wake up in a minute, I am only dreaming. I thought if I pick you up and cuddle you it will be real. I really wished I had spent that hour cuddling you because they took you away and I really wish I had cuddled you more. I am so sorry I didn’t show more love for that hour but I was in shock I think. I hate myself for not cuddling you more; I hope you do know that I do love you so very much. Before I knew it they had taken you away without telling me. So I never got to tell you just how much I loved you or the other two words that I keep getting told I need to tell you, but I know I never can or will say them. I couldn’t believe they just took you without telling me they were going to take you. The midwife came in to check on my observations, when she did she just pushed you out of the way and round the corner like you were nothing (it made me so very cross, I should of told her off for it) and then after she checked me I went around the corner to get you and you were gone. I lost you a second time.

Leaving the hospital without you was one of the darkest days of my life. It was unbearable being pushed past the delivery room were you died and was born in. As soon as the midwife pushed me past I started to cry. This was real it was no dream; I was never going to wake up from this. This is my reality; this is my life, everyday I have to live this horrible never ending nightmare. I just want to wake up and find you still in my tummy alive, safe and well. Matthew my love for you is forever lasting, it will never fade. Everyday I hope and pray for you to come back to me. There is not a minute of the day when I am not thinking about you, my darling Matthew.
I Love You So Very Much And I Always Will.
Lots Of Love Always Your Mummy.
XXOOXXOOXXOOXXOOXXOOXXOOXXOOXXOOXXOOXXOOXXOO
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TO matthew and tess  / Dizzy (friend)
Dear Matthew, I will never get to met you on this Earth, but your fleeting moments here have touched us in so many ways.  Through knowing your Mum and your sisters, I know what a very special boy you would have grown into.  
I will never really know the journey that Tess has been through, the best I can every offer is my ear to listen and my shoulder to lean on, and hopefully that is enough to help her through the dark days.
Its hard to say Good-bye, especially when you think what could have been and the future that is no longer.  But in my heart of hearts, I believe that we all met each other on the other side, and there will be all our missed loved ones and little angles.  All the heartache and pain we go through now will be rewarded by holding onto them again.
Until we are on the other side, we much all help each other out during the hard days, and be there for the laughs on the good days.
By loving those who are still with us as much as those that are gone, will help ease the pain and pass the time, until it is our true time to reach the other side.
Dear Matthew, may you sleep soundly and peacefully until your mother's time to wake you. Close

4 u baby boy  / Jeda Mummy 2. Angel Kayla (mummy friend )

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Mum's Little Speech For Your Funeral  / Tess Osborne (Mother)
I can't read this on the day of your funeral so I got Geoffrey Arthur(the person officiating the service) to read it out for me.

I didn't get to have you in my life for very long, but i will always treasure the memories that I have of you for the rest of my life.

You will always be Mummy's beautiful little baby boy.

I had so many hopes and dreams for you, and sadly you will never be able to experience life with me.

You are the love of my life now, forever and always.

Until we meet again are one forever more, love Mummy.
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